Resolutioning

I try not to make a really big deal about New Year's, since in my general experience it ends up letting you down. And this year I feel kind of let down already, so at least I got that out of the way. What I mean is, I had it in my head that by coming back to NYC right after Christmas instead of lingering at my parents' house, I'd tap into this reserve of motivation that had been hiding during all my exam stress. I'd finally have the time and the energy to be soooo productive. Anyone who's ever had that feeling knows where it leads - I got back here and have barely been motivated to change out of pajamas every day. I'm PMSy, I haven't cleaned my apartment, I'm behind on all the work I theoretically came here to do. Ugh.

So things aren't going exactly to plan, but for the record I just got here less than 3 days ago. I think it is still really good that I came back here quickly after Christmas because those couple of non-productive days were going to happen whether it was now or next week, and since I have a bunch of deadlines in the next 2 weeks, the sooner I get my ass in gear the better.

While I was home, I slacked off on the running. To be precise, I didn't run at all, mainly because of my lack of gym membership and the 3 feet of snow on the ground. And I ate, and ate and ate. So that happened - I feel okay about it because trying to change my behavior around the holidays is tough, especially on the heels of an unhealthy finals period. But then there was my sister. She works out probably 2 hours a day most days, and she's gone from being a bit overweight to totally jacked - thin and really muscular. And I have to admit, I was jealous. There's a whole other sea of emotions between us these days, but I definitely detected a hint of jealousy as I struggled to fit in my pants and felt like a lump of lard. I think that admitting to it, feeling it and trying to let it go, is the best way to deal with that. I don't begrudge her the fruits of her labor. I know she has worked really hard, and continues to work really hard, to get there and stay there. But I was still jealous, because I haven't managed to do it.

That contributed to my feeling that once I got back everything would change. And truly, I think it will. I am setting up a much easier school schedule for myself this semester, and I went out and bought all the groceries for my super-healthy menu this week. I went for my long run yesterday - 5 miles, almost all the way around Central Park. My legs are sore today but I feel successful. I am going to get better at running when I lose some weight. I'm easing into it over the next few days, but Jan 2 I'm in it, full throttle. That's when the gym reopens, and my New Years guests will have left, and it'll be just me, my running schedule, the gym, my healthy menus, and a date with the library to get my school stuff done. I think it doesn't work if you don't do it all to the max at the same time. Can't slack off on one thing because it all catches up with you.

So, my resolutions are pretty much the same as always: take better care of myself, nourish my mind and soul by learning and traveling and meeting new people, be good to the people in my life, and keep on challenging myself to do better.