Resolutioning

I try not to make a really big deal about New Year's, since in my general experience it ends up letting you down. And this year I feel kind of let down already, so at least I got that out of the way. What I mean is, I had it in my head that by coming back to NYC right after Christmas instead of lingering at my parents' house, I'd tap into this reserve of motivation that had been hiding during all my exam stress. I'd finally have the time and the energy to be soooo productive. Anyone who's ever had that feeling knows where it leads - I got back here and have barely been motivated to change out of pajamas every day. I'm PMSy, I haven't cleaned my apartment, I'm behind on all the work I theoretically came here to do. Ugh.

So things aren't going exactly to plan, but for the record I just got here less than 3 days ago. I think it is still really good that I came back here quickly after Christmas because those couple of non-productive days were going to happen whether it was now or next week, and since I have a bunch of deadlines in the next 2 weeks, the sooner I get my ass in gear the better.

While I was home, I slacked off on the running. To be precise, I didn't run at all, mainly because of my lack of gym membership and the 3 feet of snow on the ground. And I ate, and ate and ate. So that happened - I feel okay about it because trying to change my behavior around the holidays is tough, especially on the heels of an unhealthy finals period. But then there was my sister. She works out probably 2 hours a day most days, and she's gone from being a bit overweight to totally jacked - thin and really muscular. And I have to admit, I was jealous. There's a whole other sea of emotions between us these days, but I definitely detected a hint of jealousy as I struggled to fit in my pants and felt like a lump of lard. I think that admitting to it, feeling it and trying to let it go, is the best way to deal with that. I don't begrudge her the fruits of her labor. I know she has worked really hard, and continues to work really hard, to get there and stay there. But I was still jealous, because I haven't managed to do it.

That contributed to my feeling that once I got back everything would change. And truly, I think it will. I am setting up a much easier school schedule for myself this semester, and I went out and bought all the groceries for my super-healthy menu this week. I went for my long run yesterday - 5 miles, almost all the way around Central Park. My legs are sore today but I feel successful. I am going to get better at running when I lose some weight. I'm easing into it over the next few days, but Jan 2 I'm in it, full throttle. That's when the gym reopens, and my New Years guests will have left, and it'll be just me, my running schedule, the gym, my healthy menus, and a date with the library to get my school stuff done. I think it doesn't work if you don't do it all to the max at the same time. Can't slack off on one thing because it all catches up with you.

So, my resolutions are pretty much the same as always: take better care of myself, nourish my mind and soul by learning and traveling and meeting new people, be good to the people in my life, and keep on challenging myself to do better.

Erggg

So, finals are so close to the end. In fact, exams are done, but I have this pesky (15-20 pg) paper due tomorrow that I haven't technically started. I have an outline, which I used for my presentation on the topic 3 weeks ago, but oy. It is a long road from here, in the next 30 hours or so, and I have little fuel left in my brain tank.

As for working out, I am psyching myself up for a 4-mile treadmill run, which I'm not looking forward to but it's going to have to happen. I don't think I'm ready to push myself that far out in the cold without a cheering section to help me along, and I'm not letting myself slack off in the very first week of training. It's going to be a struggle though - 3 miles was like pulling teeth the other day.

It's kind of amazing how much I think about and talk about running now that I've committed myself to doing it every other day. It requires a lot of planning and forethought at this point - I have to make it a really top priority or it's not getting done. My throat still hurts and my lips have been all chapped and uncomfortable. It's winter and finals and I'm whiny and I want nothing more than to lay around the apartment and not do anything. I don't want to run, but I do want that feeling of accomplishment when it's done. Monday night when I was doing the my 3-miler, I did a little fist pump when I hit the 1.5 mile mark and then every half-mile from there on. I had the treadmill set on 0% incline and 10:42 miles. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that hard physically. Just psychologically, staying on there for over a half hour, oy.

So, soon the lunch rush at the gym will die down I think, and hopefully with people starting to leave for break it won't be hard for me to hang onto a machine for the 45-50 mins (30 mins is the limit if there are a lot of people, which most of the time there are). And then, paper writing all night long, woooo.

All of the cauliflower in the world

That is what I had for dinner tonight at 11 pm, along with a bit of grilled tempeh, a slice of sprouted flax bread and a big cup of coffee. Ah, finals, the best excuse to eat weird crap at even weirder times of day. The final final is tomorrow, followed by a 20 page paper to write on Wed and Thur, and then I can bust out of this place, head to my parents' for a week of Christmas and laziness.

I decided to dust off the old blog and see if I can transform it to suit my new plans and goals, although I haven't ruled out a new BFL challenge starting around the beginning of the new year. But goal numero uno for the moment (aside from surviving the last 3 days of finals) is the Reykjavik Marathon 08! Running a marathon (and a half-marathon for that matter) is a major item on my life list, and evidently it is also on my roommate's girlfriend's life list as when I announced to her that I was running the marathon in Iceland, I found out that she is also running the very same one, in celebration of her 30th birthday. So, now I really have to do it, unlike all those other times I said I was going to run a marathon.

I kicked off my training with a 4-mile road race (my first race ever!) in 25 degree weather with a chest cold. All of these factors, along with the fact that I hadn't run more than a mile at a time since August (and then it was in 70-degree comfort), make it impressive that I finished at all. According to the official chip time, I made it in 45:24, which averages to an 11:21 mile. Not too shabby considering, although for my age group apparently that puts me in 858th place. Anyway, I am definitely looking forward to beating that time at the next Roadrunners 4-mile race, in February. By then, if I stick to my training, 4 miles will feel like nothing.

Tonight was training run number 2, a 3-miler on the treadmill. God I hate the treadmill. I think I am going to have to get friendly with the indoor track, which isn't much better but I can't imagine it is worse. If it's at least maybe 30 degrees outside, sunny and not raining or snowing, I can do my training outside, which is preferable, but of course that's not going to be the case every time if I'm running 4-5 days a week all thru the winter.

So, that's the plan, stick to the running and make it to the marathon in Iceland next August. In the meantime, I'm also going to (a) get my diet cleaned up again - have started eating like crap and gained back the 8 lb I lost in the first half of the semester; (b) get back with the weight lifting; and (c) try to also cram in some interval training for fat loss. This all seems to indicate I may try to do the BFL thing while also doing the running thing. We shall see - I am planning a MUCH less rigorous semester in the spring, and I think it might be nice to treat it like a little sabbatical where I focus most of my energy on being healthy and enjoying life. That's the goal!